The aftermath

October 22nd, 2017

Thanks for the comments and support in my last entry <3 I wrote that a couple months ago and have been sitting on it since. Every time I thought about posting it, I made an excuse to post something else instead. On the 15th, I found myself hovering over the Publish button again, and then I learned it was Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Remembrance day. It seemed like a sign that I should just do it.

I hope my story does shed some light on the difficulties that some people may face when conceiving or while pregnant. In talking with a few others who had issues, we agreed on this: no one told us how hard it could be.

I mean, it makes sense because it’s a personal topic that people don’t widely share. When it comes to offline life, I only shared it with a few more people after the miscarriage happened, so it’s still somewhat of a secret. It’s comforting to talk about it with others who had issues, but with people who haven’t, it’s harder. Of course, it’s not specific to this situation. In general, people who can’t relate might not know what to say or might say something insensitive unintentionally. I don’t fault them for that at all. Before this happened, I wouldn’t know what to say either other than offering my sympathies.

But, in talking with others, I learned of other issues people have had. Some were conceiving issues, like taking 1-2 years and needing help. Some were miscarriages. Some were complications while giving birth. It made me feel… less lonely? It sucks ass that these things happen to us, and I wish it never happened to any of us, but it made me realize I’m not the only one privately dealing with these issues. It’s more common than it seems.

It has been a few months since though, so things are pretty much back to normal. It still pops in my mind sometimes, but the best thing to do is to keep moving forward. After the D&C, my lab results came back normal, and I was told I could try again after my first menstrual cycle. They say you can return to normal activities a couple days after the procedure, but really, it took a week for me to stop taking the stronger painkillers and a couple more weeks before the bleeding and cramping totally stopped.

Now we’re back to square one in trying. Like I mentioned previously, I didn’t realize how frustrating it could be. People who have been pregnant don’t typically share how long it took them. I knew a few people that got it within a few months, and not to mention, there’s all the stories of accidental pregnancies. It really makes you think, how hard could it be?

It wasn’t until we started trying and I was tracking my menstrual and ovulation cycle that I realized how small of a window there really is to try and “get it”. At month 3, I started using an ovulation kit, which claims to tell you the 48 hours in which you are most fertile. It gave me hope, but at month 5, I was getting frustrated and worried. What are we doing wrong? Is something wrong with us? Should we be seeking help? It was to the point that when I got a positive test at month 7, my husband and I just kind of looked at it with relief, phew, guess we’re not infertile after all. I’m hoping it doesn’t take as long this time too.

The miscarriage also gave me a kick in the butt on reevaluating my health. The sad reality is that most miscarriages are unpreventable and aren’t due to anything the mother did nor her health. Even so, I wanted to improve my health habits. I knew I could do better.

My first goal was to lose weight. Before getting pregnant, I neglected diet and exercise to focus on cosplay, and then I pigged out on a couple trips. I ended up barely in the overweight BMI range, and that weight was hard to lose while pregnant. I was afraid to cut calories, and my doctor told me not to lift heavy things nor do intensive exercises.

After physically recovering from the miscarriage, I lost 6-7 lbs, which puts me back into normal BMI. I’m still aiming for more weight loss, but now my focus is on healthy habits that I can maintain. I already mentioned it in my August recap though and going into detail probably deserves its own entry. (I’ve rambled so much in this one already.)

Anyway, I am doing ok. Writing it out kind of felt like a burden being lifted, and I’m moving on because there’s nothing to be done about the past. You just gotta keep going, you know?

14 Responses to “The aftermath”

  • Nancy says:

    I will continue to send you and your husband good vibes for your conceiving journey. I don’t know much about conceiving and pregnancy but do hear about a number of attempts to get that positive result. I’m glad that you’re going to do what it takes to keep your body in the healthy range. Hope you will continue to feel better and continue to do what you can to keep going forward. ♥♥♥

  • michelle says:

    I am glad that it helped you in the end. We are always here for you and it takes a lot of courage to talk about your situation. Many other women go through this and usually don’t talk about it so we don’t know how many people are suffering in silence. Thank you for sharing.

  • Katy says:

    My thoughts are with you and your husband. I’m sorry for your loss, and I wish you both all the best. I am glad to hear that you are doing okay, and that sharing your story helped. Anything that helps you is the right thing to do, and as Michelle said, we are all here if you need us. ?

  • Claudine says:

    I’m glad that writing about your situation and sharing it with others helped you <3 Good luck and I hope the next try will be successful! Sending you and your husband lots of love and good vibes <3

    Ooh and focusing on your health really matters, so good job! It's just difficult to start forming healthy habits but once you've started, it gets easier with time. Good luck Cat and I'm wishing you all the best! :)

  • Kya says:

    I think it was good that you shared that post and it seems like it was the right time to do it. It still would have been very hard. I am glad that you have been able to talk to other people and even though it’s absolutely awful, that you are not alone.

    *a million trillion hugs*

  • Pauline says:

    It’s always surprising how much sharing and just “getting it off your chest” does for you! Thank you so much for sharing your story, it really helps others share their similar experiences and is a great reminder, like you said, that you are not alone.

    Keep up your healthy habits Cat! Go you! Rooting for you and sending you love, always!

  • Shanae says:

    I want to start off by saying how sorry I am for your loss Cat, and sadly I can relate. I have one daughter, who will turn 5 in a few months, and she was literally a miracle baby. I have PCOS and kidney issues, as well as weight struggles. I had one miscarriage before my daughter, and have had 3 since and have all but given up on the prospect of another child.

    It is completely heartbreaking, and nothing can be said to make it easier, but writing it out helps with acceptance. Also, sometimes knowing someone relates to your situation and understands it really helps with pain, though it doesn’t make it any better.

    Know that you can always reach out to many of us if you ever feel the need, my self included.

    • Cat says:

      I’m so sorry that you had to experience the same thing and multiple times too :( It really is a heartbreaking and discouraging thing. I’m so glad you were able to have a daughter though! Thanks for sharing with me, Shanae, and for your support and kind words. I really appreciate it <3

  • Carolynne says:

    I’m so glad that you were able to write it out and hit that publish button. I hope it has helped you deal with what happened and to keep moving forward. You are so strong. I wish you luck on your upcoming journey

  • Amy says:

    I think it’s great that you shared your experience on here. So many women go through things like this, and it definitely isn’t talked about enough. It’s so brave to put your experiences out there, especially when lots of people say the wrong thing – I’m so sorry if I have in any of my comments.

    Sending all my love and wishing you all the best with everything xxx

  • Liv says:

    I’m glad you’re doing better dear, and I send you blessings on conceiving again! It’s definitely hard based on those hard facts, but it’s also a mystery we can’t really explain. My mom likes to tell me the story of how she was managing birth control with the 48-hour fertility window and a few days give or take. I still was conceived anyway. Definitely don’t stop trying!

  • Tara says:

    Thank you for sharing this, Cat. I know it wasn’t easy to do, but by doing so, you will find others who have gone through the same thing. You are not alone in this aspect. I do hope you guys will have better luck in the future, and do keep up with your healthy habits. *hugs*

  • Shar says:

    I give you countless and countless and countless good and uplifting BABY VIBES your way. I know how you feel in trying so many times with no success. Yes, I do have a son right now but we are trying for a second and I thought it would be so easy. Friends and family members of mine seem to have no trouble conceiving after their first because there’s that notion that you are extra fertile after being pregnant the first time. It doesn’t seem to be the case for me.

    We always wanted to have 2 children when we decided to start a family and we were so happy to have one and was pretty excited when we decided to have another but it seems to be a difficult thing right now. I didn’t know it would be so difficult and with my age starting to climb up the ladder, it makes me feel sad that every month we try is a disappointment. I’ve been doing the whole ovulation testing for weeks every month and taking all the vitamins that I was taking the first time around but it doesn’t seem to be working :(

    I do appreciate your post on the whole matter because I know it’s difficult for some people as I know, myself, some friends who have tried for years and years and spent A LOT of money trying to conceive and it can be heartbreaking.

    I am trying to look at my health too. I think that’s a contributing factor to me right now and I’ve been trying to hone down on my healthy eating and losing weight to see if that’s at all what my problem is.

    You are not alone Cat! Baby vibes to you and I wish you and your husband the best of luck!!!!

  • Ongaku says:

    I’m glad you are doing ‘okay’ in a sense and that talking about it helped some to see that many people have dealt with it. Such a very sad truth. *hugs*

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